Funny Doctor Quotes


A friend posted these on Facebook….VERY FUNNY!


The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by
physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.

* She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.

* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983

* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when
he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be

* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to
dispose of him.

* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

* The patient refused an autopsy.

* The patient has no past history of suicides.

* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

* The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions
in early December.

* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a
picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually
deteriorated in the emergency room.

* The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran
out of gas and crashed.

* Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to
work her up.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

* The skin was moist and dry.

* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

* Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.

* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

* MD during a physical exam, stated, in my ears, “I am unable to arouse this
woman”, personally, I really don’t think he should have bragged about it.

Drive Safe!  Never Forget.

ForCarol Fireworks Booth 2013

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